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The prince sits on a chair or stool and takes Cinderella’s foot into both hands, lovingly. He soaks a washcloth in a bowl of warm water, rinses it, and proceeds to tenderly wash around Cinderella’s left ankle, foot, and toes (and even between her toes). Then he kisses her toes, the bottom of her foot, the ankle, the calf, the inner knee, and the thigh—and then works his way down again. He takes his time, preparing the foot for the ultimate fitting.

“Is this part of the fitting process?” Cinderella asks.

“Oh, definitely.”

“I think I like it.”

“I thought you would.”

Perhaps because it is based on such a familiar story, this game will most likely not encounter much resistance. It is fun to play and appeals to the grandiose fantasies of both wife and husband. The game will in effect take on a life of its own. Cinderella will sportingly try on the shoe, and the prince will exclaim, “It fits! It fits! Now—you will be my lawful-wedded wife!” They embrace. From there the story is up to the participants. The prince may present her with a princess gown, and she may dress up in it and then actually go through a wedding ceremony. There could even be a wedding ball, with candlelight dinner and midnight dancing and brandy punch drunk from her slipper. Finally he carries (or leads) her over a threshold and right into bed.

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“Who are you?” she may ask—or, “What are you doing?”

“Never mind,” he will answer in a brave new tone of authority. “Put down that magazine [turn off the television] and come with me.”

“Where?”

“Never mind where. Just do as I say.”

“No. I’m reading my favorite book [watching TV].”

“I said, put it down [shut it off].”

“Stop being so silly. Where did you get that costume?”

“I’m not going to ask you again.”

“Stop talking like that. What are you trying to prove?”

“I’m not trying to prove anything. I have nothing to prove. I am who I am. I am the Kissing Bandit, and I may just steal some kisses from you.”

“Oh, yes?”

“Yes!”

The conversation goes on like this for a while, perhaps. Then the husband walks up to the wife, tosses the book aside [turns off the TV], and takes her into his arms. If he is physically able, he lifts her up and cradles her in his arms. If not, he pulls her to a standing position and leads her by the arm.

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What happens next may vary. The passive spouse may continue to stand gaping, and the aggressive one may walk out of the bathroom—and only later will they talk about it. Or the passive one may become angry and reprimand the aggressive spouse. Or the episode may lead to a wild lovemaking scene in the bathroom. In any event, something out of the ordinary will happen.

È all goes according to plan, the passive spouse will be provoked out of his or her passivity, and will express the real anger and hate that underpins the passive-defensive posture. Since that person already views the spouse as a monster, this scene sets off—even exaggerates—this fantasy, forcing the passive to recognize and verbalize what was formerly secretly thought. It also provides the “psycho” spouse with a way of expressing her or his anger at the passive spouse in a constructive way (a way that has a humorous undertone and leads to resolution) rather than through destructive sarcasm, guilt-tripping, or temper tantrums.

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Players: Bored husband and bored wife. Activists: Both husband and wife take part in creating this game.

Setting: A room with two plain chairs facing one another.

Aim: To force a husband and wife out of their boredom by giving it expression while adding an erotic element. This method is referred to by psychotherapists as “joining the resistance.” In this case, both the husband and wife, ironically, join each other’s resistance.

Game Plan: The husband and wife sit facing one another. The husband begins the game by saying, “I don’t feel like having sex.”

The wife replies, “I don’t feel like having sex.” “It’s boring,” the husband says. “Who cares?” the wife retorts.

They may repeat these or similar phrases as often as necessary. At first they may find themselves snickering, not really “feeling” them: The words may sound artificial. But if you are truly a bored couple, these phrases (or something similar to them) should eventually feel right.

Then the husband removes an article of his clothing—a belt, a hat, a ring—and says, “This is boring, but I’ll do it anyway.”

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Melanie Klein, the child psychoanalyst, noted that during intercourse an individual’s frustration is soothed and aggression is lowered:

Libidinal satisfaction diminishes his aggressiveness and with it his anxiety. In addition, the pleasure he gets from such satisfaction seems in itself to allay his fear of being destroyed by his own destructive impulses and by his objects [inner demons], and to militate against … his fear of losing his capacity to achieve libidinal satisfaction. Libidinal satisfaction, as an expression of Eros, reinforces his belief in his helpful imagos and diminishes the dangers which threaten him. . . .

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