SEXUAL JOURNEY THROUGH MIDLIFE: EMOTIONAL CHANGES. MARITAL SEX
Emotional Changes during Midlife
As adolescents, many of us were very anxious about the changes in our bodies. We wondered if the changes were okay and if we were normal. In midlife, we have those anxieties all over again.
We worry if our bodies are still attractive. We may develop performance anxiety. Men may become anxious about developing problems with their erections. These problems can be magnified by stress over money, ill health, career, sexual boredom, fatigue, or excessive drinking. One partner may blame herself or himself if the other is having problems. We can feel that we are no longer desirable or sexually attractive.
The slowing down of the sexual response cycle in women and men is natural. This slowdown may also make us anxious. But we may not feel as anxious if we understand that sex is a vital part of the lives of most middle-aged women and men. In fact, middle-aged women often have strong sexual desires, and they are more likely to reach an orgasm than younger women.
Women and men both report that midlife sexuality can bring a whole new world of sexual satisfaction: They have less fear of unintended pregnancy. Their children are likely to have left home, giving the older parents more privacy. They may even have financial freedom.
Marital Sex during Midlife
Sex patterns may change during the course of a married life. Although the frequency of sexual activity decreases with age, most married people 45 years and older still have sex once a week. After 15 or more years of any relationship, sex habits can be quite different from those of the first year of marriage. Time, children, and careers all contribute to personal growth. As people grow, so does their sexuality. But it is not necessary that sex become dull with age.
After being married for some time, a couple may have to make further adjustments. After women and men experience their climacterics, they might have to shift the frequency of sexual activity or the time of day they can enjoy sex with one another. Their choices of sexual activity may also change to allow for the changes that are taking place in their bodies.
The amount of nonsexual attention partners give each other may also undergo change. Communicating about fears and anxieties and educating one another about midlife changes can alleviate the stress over sexuality for both partners in a midlife relationship. Many partners are able to begin expressing more affection and pleasure with one another as their children leave home and allow them more privacy.
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