SEXUAL CRIMES: INCEST AND CHILD MOLESTING
Incest involves one member of a family being sexual with another family member. It may include anything from touching, feeling, or kissing the sex organs to actual sexual intercourse. Of course, it isn’t incest when a husband and wife do these things with each other. But when it happens between other family members it’s called incest.
Most victims of incest are girls who are victimized by their fathers, stepfathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, or some other male relative, although it is also possible for a girl to be victimized by a female relative. Boys can also be victims of incest, though this is less common. When incest happens to a boy, it may be either a female or a male relative who victimizes him. Incest can happen to very young children, even to babies, as well as to older children and teenagers.
Brothers and sisters often engage in some form of sex play as they’re growing up, which may involve ‘playing doctor’ or pretending to be ‘mummy and daddy’. This kind of sex play between brothers and sisters is very common and isn’t always considered incest. It isn’t necessarily a harmful thing. But being forced or pressured to have sexual contact with an older brother or sister is incest, and it can be very harmful.
Incest isn’t always a forced thing, like rape. Because of the older person’s position in the family, he (or she) may be able to pressure the child into doing sexual things without actually having to use force. Most incest victims are so bewildered by what’s going on that they simply don’t know how to stop it or prevent it from happening again.
Child molesting, like incest, may involve anything from touching, feeling or kissing the sex organs to actual sexual intercourse. (The word molest means to bother or to harm.) But child molesting is different from incest because the person doing the molesting isn’t a family member. It may be a complete stranger, a friend of the child’s parents or some other older person. Boys as well as girls may be victims of a child molester.
If you are a victim of incest or child molesting, the most important thing to do is to tell someone. This can be a difficult thing to do, particularly if you are an incest victim.
The logical people to tell are your parents. (Of course, in cases of incest by a parent, you need to tell the other parent.) However, some parents have trouble believing their children at first. If, for whatever reason, your parents won’t believe you, you might tell another relative – an aunt or uncle, a grandparent, an older sister or brother – who you feel will believe you. Or you could tell another adult—a teacher or counsellor at school, a friend’s mother or father, your vicar or priest, or any other adult you trust. You can also ring the local rape crisis centre, Incest Crisis Line, Childline or the National Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC). (Look in the telephone directory or ring directory inquiries for the numbers.) The people who answer the phones are specially trained and they understand what you’re going through. (Some of them have been victims of sexual crimes themselves.) You needn’t give your name and what you say is entirely confidential, so don’t hesitate to ring.
Victims of incest or child molesting often find it hard to come forward and tell someone. Sometimes the person who committed the crime has made the victim promise to keep it a secret. But there are some promises and some secrets a person needn’t keep, and this is definitely one of them. Or the victims may find it hard to tell someone because they think that what happened is somehow their fault or that they’re to blame because they didn’t stop it from happening. But this just isn’t true. These crimes are always the fault of the older person. The victim is never to blame and is never at fault in any way. Some victims don’t tell because they fear the person will harm them or get back at them for telling. But the police or other authorities can make sure the victim is fully protected.
Incest victims sometimes hesitate to tell because incest is a crime and it’s possible that telling could get the person who has committed the crime into trouble with the police. Even though most victims hate what’s been done to them, they still may not want to see a relative sent to gaol. But doctors don’t have a legal obligation to report a crime, so the doctor can listen to your problem without reporting it to the police, though he or she will undoubtedly try to get you to agree to involve social services and even the police. Although involving the police or social services may seem like a horrifying idea, it will be better for everyone in the end and will protect any brothers or sisters who may also be suffering abuse.
Some incest victims don’t tell because they’re afraid that the family will break up, their parents will get divorced or things will get worse than they are. But if incest is going on, things are already about as bad as they could be. People who commit incest are mentally or emotionally ill, but they can be cured. The victim and the other family members also need help in dealing with the situation. None of these people can get the help they need unless the victim has the courage to take the first step and tell someone.
Most victims of incest and child molesting feel a mixture of anger, embarrassment, and shame. This can also make it hard to come forward and tell someone. But you have a right to protect yourself from being touched in ways that don’t feel right to you. So even though you may feel embarrassed, it’s important to tell someone. It’s really the best thing for everyone.
Other questions-We hope we’ve answered many of your questions in this chapter. However, you probably have questions about these subjects that we haven’t covered. If so, perhaps your mother, your father, the school nurse, your GP, one of your teachers or another adult you trust can help you find the answers. You might also contact your Brook Advisory Centre for information.
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