Pharmahealthblog. Health and medical information

Back in your parents’ day this was a definite no-no. Of course, even back then there were some brave girls who went ahead and asked the boys out. And most girls did everything they could, short of actually asking, in order to get the boys they liked to ask them out. But the ‘rules’ that most people went by said that boys did the asking and girls were supposed to wait to be asked.

Nowadays things have changed. Although there are still some people who think it’s not ‘right’ or ‘proper’ for girls to do the asking, most people don’t see anything at all wrong with a girl taking the initiative. In fact, many people think it’s a great idea. Almost every boy we’ve asked has said he wished more girls would do it. Girls are often in favour of this idea too.

What if you and your best friend like the same person?

If one of you is already dating or going with this person, then we’d say that this person is ‘off limits’. But if the person isn’t ‘taken’, then the two of you need to think about how you’re going to keep your feelings for this person from getting in the way of, or maybe even ruining, your friendship. Here are some possible solutions. You could decide that you’re both going to ‘go for’ the person, but you agree ahead of time not to let it affect your friendship. You could toss a coin. You could decide to let the one with the strongest feelings have the first chance. Of course, the person you like may already be interested in one of you, so he or she may do the deciding. Or the person may not be interested in either of you, so it may not be a problem at all.

Whatever happens, try to keep a sense of humour about it. And remember, at your age romances come and go, but the friendships you make now may last a lifetime. So, don’t lose your friendship over a romance.

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Incest involves one member of a family being sexual with another family member. It may include anything from touching, feeling, or kissing the sex organs to actual sexual intercourse. Of course, it isn’t incest when a husband and wife do these things with each other. But when it happens between other family members it’s called incest.

Most victims of incest are girls who are victimized by their fathers, stepfathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, or some other male relative, although it is also possible for a girl to be victimized by a female relative. Boys can also be victims of incest, though this is less common. When incest happens to a boy, it may be either a female or a male relative who victimizes him. Incest can happen to very young children, even to babies, as well as to older children and teenagers.

Brothers and sisters often engage in some form of sex play as they’re growing up, which may involve ‘playing doctor’ or pretending to be ‘mummy and daddy’. This kind of sex play between brothers and sisters is very common and isn’t always considered incest. It isn’t necessarily a harmful thing. But being forced or pressured to have sexual contact with an older brother or sister is incest, and it can be very harmful.

Incest isn’t always a forced thing, like rape. Because of the older person’s position in the family, he (or she) may be able to pressure the child into doing sexual things without actually having to use force. Most incest victims are so bewildered by what’s going on that they simply don’t know how to stop it or prevent it from happening again.

Child molesting, like incest, may involve anything from touching, feeling or kissing the sex organs to actual sexual intercourse. (The word molest means to bother or to harm.) But child molesting is different from incest because the person doing the molesting isn’t a family member. It may be a complete stranger, a friend of the child’s parents or some other older person. Boys as well as girls may be victims of a child molester.

If you are a victim of incest or child molesting, the most important thing to do is to tell someone. This can be a difficult thing to do, particularly if you are an incest victim.

The logical people to tell are your parents. (Of course, in cases of incest by a parent, you need to tell the other parent.) However, some parents have trouble believing their children at first. If, for whatever reason, your parents won’t believe you, you might tell another relative – an aunt or uncle, a grandparent, an older sister or brother – who you feel will believe you. Or you could tell another adult—a teacher or counsellor at school, a friend’s mother or father, your vicar or priest, or any other adult you trust. You can also ring the local rape crisis centre, Incest Crisis Line, Childline or the National Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC). (Look in the telephone directory or ring directory inquiries for the numbers.) The people who answer the phones are specially trained and they understand what you’re going through. (Some of them have been victims of sexual crimes themselves.) You needn’t give your name and what you say is entirely confidential, so don’t hesitate to ring.

Victims of incest or child molesting often find it hard to come forward and tell someone. Sometimes the person who committed the crime has made the victim promise to keep it a secret. But there are some promises and some secrets a person needn’t keep, and this is definitely one of them. Or the victims may find it hard to tell someone because they think that what happened is somehow their fault or that they’re to blame because they didn’t stop it from happening. But this just isn’t true. These crimes are always the fault of the older person. The victim is never to blame and is never at fault in any way. Some victims don’t tell because they fear the person will harm them or get back at them for telling. But the police or other authorities can make sure the victim is fully protected.

Incest victims sometimes hesitate to tell because incest is a crime and it’s possible that telling could get the person who has committed the crime into trouble with the police. Even though most victims hate what’s been done to them, they still may not want to see a relative sent to gaol. But doctors don’t have a legal obligation to report a crime, so the doctor can listen to your problem without reporting it to the police, though he or she will undoubtedly try to get you to agree to involve social services and even the police. Although involving the police or social services may seem like a horrifying idea, it will be better for everyone in the end and will protect any brothers or sisters who may also be suffering abuse.

Some incest victims don’t tell because they’re afraid that the family will break up, their parents will get divorced or things will get worse than they are. But if incest is going on, things are already about as bad as they could be. People who commit incest are mentally or emotionally ill, but they can be cured. The victim and the other family members also need help in dealing with the situation. None of these people can get the help they need unless the victim has the courage to take the first step and tell someone.

Most victims of incest and child molesting feel a mixture of anger, embarrassment, and shame. This can also make it hard to come forward and tell someone. But you have a right to protect yourself from being touched in ways that don’t feel right to you. So even though you may feel embarrassed, it’s important to tell someone. It’s really the best thing for everyone.

Other questions-We hope we’ve answered many of your questions in this chapter. However, you probably have questions about these subjects that we haven’t covered. If so, perhaps your mother, your father, the school nurse, your GP, one of your teachers or another adult you trust can help you find the answers. You might also contact your Brook Advisory Centre for information.

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PID is an infection of the uterus, Fallopian tubes, ovaries and/or other female pelvic organs. The disease is usually caused when gonorrhoea or chlamydia organisms or other sexually transmitted organisms make their way from the vagina up into the uterus. From there the infection may spread to the other pelvic organs. PID may be more severe in women who use the IUD. PID may cause any or all of the following symptoms: period pains; heavier periods, bleeding between periods and other menstrual irregularities; abnormal vaginal discharge; urinary pain or frequency; pain in the lower abdomen or legs; and fever, chills, vomiting or flu-like symptoms. Females may also be asymptomatic, but even these ’silent’ infections can cause serious damage to the reproductive organs. Treatment involves complete bed rest and antibiotics, and may require hospitalization and intravenous antibiotics. If the antibiotics don’t work, it may be necessary to operate and surgically remove the reproductive organs. Females who’ve had PID have a greater chance of having ectopic pregnancies. Some females who’ve had PID are troubled with chronic pelvic pain and repeated attacks of the symptoms. In rare cases PID may be so severe that it is fatal. PID is on the rise and is one of the leading causes of infertility.

Pubic lice-Pubic lice are also called ‘crabs’. This STD is caused by tiny, blood-sucking lice that can live in pubic hair or sometimes in the eyelashes. The lice may be passed through sexual contact or through contact with infected clothing, towels and bed linen. The bite of the lice causes intense itching, and if you look closely you can see the lice or the shiny, sticky eggs they attach to the hair shafts. Lice are treated by repeated shampooing of the infected area with special lotions (available from a chemist without prescription). Bed linen, towels and clothing must be boiled, dry-cleaned or isolated for two weeks to avoid re-infection. Though bothersome, crabs are not a serious health problem.

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As we explained earlier, methods such as the condom, the contraceptive sponge, spermicides and the cap and diaphragm (providing the woman knows her size) can be purchased at the chemist without a doctor’s prescription; however, other methods require a doctor’s prescription. All methods can be obtained free from any family planning clinic and from most GPs. Many family planning clinics have special youth advisory sessions to help young people learn about and obtain contraception. Young people can also attend one of the many Brook Advisory Centres.

How do people decide which method to use?

The method a couple chooses will depend on many factors, including personal preference, the woman’s health, her age, the couple’s relationship (that is, whether they just want to ’space’ pregnancies or absolutely don’t want to become pregnant), and feelings about the issues of safety, effectiveness and convenience. Most people use many different methods over the course of their lives.

Many young people begin by using a condom. The condom has the advantage of being easy to obtain and can protect against AIDS and other STDs. Later, they may switch to one of the methods that require a doctor’s prescription. Some couples prefer methods such as the IUD or pill because they don’t like to interrupt their love-making by having to use the barrier methods or spermicides. Women who don’t have intercourse very often may choose a barrier method rather than the pill, which must be taken regularly, or an IUD, which is in place constantly. The female barrier methods also have the added advantage of providing some protection against some sexually transmitted diseases. Women who are concerned about safety and side effects of methods like the pill or IUD may choose the safer barrier methods. Men or women who have completed their families may choose sterilization. Choosing a method involves weighing the relative effectiveness, convenience and safety of each method. It helps to become fully informed about all available methods before making a choice.

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This method is also called the male barrier method, the sheath, prophylactics, ‘johnnies’, ‘jolly bags’. Trench letters’, ‘Durex’ (one of many brand names) and preventives. The condom fits on the erect penis in much the same way that a glove fits over a finger. The condom is placed over the erect penis prior to intercourse. (This must be done before the penis enters the vagina.) When the male ejaculates, the sperm are trapped in the condom so they don’t enter the vagina. After intercourse, before the penis becomes soft again, the condom is held firmly at the base of the penis (to avoid spilling sperm) and the penis and condom are withdrawn from the vagina. After use, the condom is discarded.

Spermicides-These are sperm-killing chemicals that come in the form of creams, jellies,

C-films, pessaries and aerosol foams. They are placed in the top of the vagina shortly before intercourse and work by killing sperm before they can get through the cervix, into the uterus. Some types of creams and jellies are used with caps and diaphragms, others are made to be used alone. However, when used alone they aren’t very effective at preventing pregnancy, and therefore are not recommended methods.

Contraceptive foam is more effective, especially when used with a condom. A special applicator is used to insert the foam into the top of the vagina, which may be done as many as three hours prior to intercourse. If more time elapses before intercourse, if a couple decides to have sex a second time or if the woman gets up and walks round, allowing the spermicide to drip out, more foam must be added before intercourse. The foam works by acting as a barrier as well as by killing or stunning the sperm.

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